we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
