You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You took a bar mat shot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
