i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
