Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
