Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
