I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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