It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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