I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
