pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
