why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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