Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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