My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
