btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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