Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And then he peed in my hair
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