pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
