she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
