Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
