Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
