Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
