so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
