I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
