i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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