I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
