how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
