Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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