I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
