I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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