craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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