no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
