Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
