Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
