Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
