seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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