how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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