I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
