I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
