um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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