I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
