i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
