I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
