I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
