youre lurking in front of me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I sprained my soul last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
