i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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