Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
