nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
