So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
