Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
