maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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