How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
