he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
