Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
