every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
