I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
