birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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