My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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