saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
