my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
