A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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