Just cropdusted the office
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
