my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
